To each his own

This, my friends is Sisyphus. According to Greek legend he was one crafty and smart son of a bitch. He was so crafty and smart that Zeus created the perfect punishment for him in Hades. Sisyphus got to spend eternity attempting to roll a boulder up a hill, but never quite succeeding. Apparently it was the best way to keep his crafty mind from being crafty. Give the man a crap job to do for all eternity and he will be too busy to think is way out of it.

These are the Barbies. Today, they were my own personal boulder and I know for sure that while Sisyphus was being punished for being crafty and smart, I was obviously being punished for being a smart ass.
I know you are asking yourself, how can four Barbies be compared to Sisyphus’ boulder?
Well, let me share the depth of the matter with you.

Notice that there are four (4) Barbies. Not all are real Barbies, at least one is a cheap clone and one is an Ariel¹ doll. What that means to me is that there are only 3 outfits for 4 Barbies. What that means to my nearly 3 year old daughter is that daddy is going to find a way to dress all 4 Barbies in only 3 outfits. To make it even more fun, not all “Barbies” are the same measurements, so some of the outfits don’t fit them all that well.

When daddy tries to explain that 3 outfits can’t go on 4 Barbies at the same time, I get treated to a crying fit that I a)don’t understand and b)have no patience for.

Sooner or later though, I roll that rock a ways up that hill and convince her that one Barbie has to be naked in a way that she can live with. The only problem is that she isn’t done.

Now she wants to undress ALL of the Barbies and bring them to me one at a time with an outfit.

Daughter1.0: “Daddy, will you put this on for me?”
Me: “Well sure sweat pea, give me a second.”

When I am done fumbling with tiny clothes and plastic tits, she disappears and then reappears with another outfit and another naked Barbie. We repeat the above conversation. After about twenty minutes of this I realize that as fast as I am dressing those little plastic bitches, my daughter is undressing them and bringing me new Barbies to put in the same three outfits, over, and over, and over, and over again.

So I get wise to this portion of my “boulder push” and lay down the law.

Me: “Honey, this is the last time I am putting this outfit on a Barbie. If you take it off again I will not put it back on. Do you understand?”

Daughter1.0: “Yes daddy.”

Of course I realize that I will have to give this speech three times, but I am all prepped for that, but then she throws me another curve ball when I finish up dressing the first Barbie in the first outfit.

Daughter1.0: “Daddy, you didn’t do this correctly.”
Me: “I didn’t do what correctly?”
Daughter1.0: “THIS is not correctly.” At which time she points to the Velcro fastener on the back of the dress that I have successfully maneuvered a little bit too much plastic whore into. The strips are not lined up precisely, but it works for me.

Me: “Daddy can’t do it any better than that. You will have to deal with it."
Daughter1.0: “Mommy can do it correctly.”
Me: “Well I can’t.”

Then the crying and pouting start again. So I wrestle with this freak show toy and its clothes for five more minutes till I get it done “CORRECTLY.”

Guess what? I have two more outfits and two more Barbies to go before everyone is dressed “CORRECTLY” and for the last time.

I had the deep fryer fired up for cooking okra with dinner and those plastic hoes were moments away from being slag.

Like I said before; Sisyphus has his boulder and I have Barbies. He was being punished for being crafty and smart and I am obviously being punished for being a smart ass. Some things are just not fair.

Oh yeah, who the hell taught my daughter to use the word “correctly”?

¹ Ariel is apparently some sort of Disney Mermaid Whore. I don’t know all the facts and I don’t care too, but to a three year old apparently the difference b