The Breakfast Fairy

It is late at Casa Doom Cake, but I am prepping for breakfast already. Saturday and Sunday are my special days to shock and awe the dirt urchins with my breakfast talents. Waffles, Crepes, Pancakes, and Bacon are my specialty, but tomorrow I am pulling out all the stops. Tommorrow morning is biscuit day.

Not stinky biscuits that buy in the store and pop out of cardboard tubes, but hand-made biscuits made from their Grandpa's own recipe.

2 cups flour

4 tea spoons baking powder

1 tea spoon salt

4 table spoons shortening

3/4 cup milk

Heat oven to 450 F

Mix all ingredients in food processor and blend for a minute or so to 'knead' dough

Roll out on floured board (I use wax paper) to 1/2 inch thickness

Cut using a biscuit cutter

Place on lightly greasted pan

Bake for 12 -15 minutes

Then serve with Honey and a side of bacon.

MMMMM......................

I am going to win some serious Daddy Points in the morning

Trust me on this...

Damn, I must of missed the memo

Early this year we were informed that as part of a new state law ALL Texas teachers had to be finger printed. Now for the new folks this was not a big deal. They had all been finger printed when they got their certificates and did not have to go through it a again.

The law is very clear. You get a date for your finger printing and within 80 days of this date you either get finger printed or the state yanks your certificate. No certificate, no job. Simple really.

About three weeks ago the finger printing crew rolled onto my campus and made short work of us old timers (15 years in middle school) who needed to comply with the state law.

There were some grumblings, but it was simple; get it done or find a new job. They are just trying to weed out the perverts and drunkards who are still in the teaching business.

Then I read this story today

I cannot believe that this wingnut has been teaching for 22 years. My bet is that she has an outstanding warrant for prostitution or drug smuggling and does not want to get printed.  If you subscribe to the Texas Department of Public Safety's database they tell you right up front that if you are running a background check without fingerprints that they cannot promise the information is accurate or correct. The state needs our prints to weed out us heathen perverts. I trust them on this.

Never in my most drunk and insane moment would I expect to be wearing the mark of the beast just because I got finger printed. This lady needs to get a grip.

900

Sorry folks, I took a break for a couple of days. It has been hog wild around here and all I can say is that I know why I gave up drinking straight whiskey. It tastes so damn good and makes my tongue tingle in  just the right way. Only problem is that at my age putting a way a bottle of Wild Turkey a night makes Doom Cake into a nasty mean man the next day. If I ever discover I have a huge tapeworm infestation or maybe a bit of the old Guinea worm in me, then rest assured that I am going to guzzle whiskey till they give me a direct whiskey IV drip or my liver crawls out of my ass and grabs me by the throat. Whiskey is the only way to deal with internal parasites and third world infestations of any sort.

Yes, that was  a rant out of the blue, but for my 900th post I am allowed to take my clothes off and do my interpretive dance to describe the phrase "Fuck the world." I guess it is a combination of a bad attitude, post #900 with nothing to say, post election blues. Nothing good ever comes of an election in Texas and yesterday we had to vote on changes to the state constitution. Texas is fucked like that. The U.S. Constitution has just a few (27?) admendments and I think Texas is pushing 700 amendments to its state constitution. The governor cannot fart in public without the state constitution being altered. Life in Texas is weird if not disturbing.

On another note, Kinky is running again. It will not be enough that I get to watch the republitard death match between Kaye Bailey and Rick Perry, but Kinky is signed on as a Demotard (I can forgive him) and is going toe to toe with the survivor of the republitard primaries. 

If nothing else, he says down with the TAKS test. I will vote for a muddy pig who farts the pledge of allegiance if it promise to get rid of the TAKS test. At least Kinky is better than a muddy pig. So here is to a long road to the governor's mansion and lets hope that Kinky makes it this time. I need man who can tell a joke and probably knows more curse words than me.

Damn, it feels good to get the politics flowing again. It almost makes me want to drink whiskey and burn replitards at the stake, but that will come later, when the people own the governor's mansion again.

Good Start to the Week

PS. and a blurry picture sucks, I know

It is THAT time of year again...

In my town when a six foot tall tigger who reeks of Wild Turkey shows up at your door it means one of two things.

A) The universe has just issued a serious debt collection notice on your soul and you are about to get the most surrealistic, fierce, and murderous beat down that you could ever imagine administered to your ass, so it is best to just curl up in the fetal position and take your whoopin time or;

B) It is Halloween.

Lucky for my neighbors it is the later.  Happy Halloween folks, but do not forget. The Orange Fists Of Fury can come for you at any time, especially when you least expect it, but when you do deserve it the most.

Just Another Friday

Here I sit on a Friday afternoon feeling pretty damn good. I am enjoying my first martini in months and life could not be better. It is bright and sunny here, just the right amount of cool outside and I am feeling like the forces of evil and hate have been banished just a bit this week. 

Lets start with the Scientologists.Hell, I cannot imagine a worse mix than two of the things I dislike the most in the world, scientology and France. This time though, France got some balls and smashed the damn scientards upside their wallets. Way to go you gutless cheese eating surrender monkeys. Way to go. If only they had the man sack to ban them outright I would be dancing the jig of ultimate happiness. I am also upset that the U.S. State Department pressures other countries not to strip the scientards of their "religion" status. This makes me sick to be an American when I hear that shit, but their defeat in court is still a bright spot on my week.

The next up are my former students.  Yeah, being a teacher sucks till you have a week like this. One is a call from Arizona from a former student who wanted me to know that everything was good and they were about to start college. It sounds strange, but it was just a hello to let me know that they were okay and doing great. Feels good to know that some of them grow up to be real people and appreciate working with me.

The other story is about a former student of mine who has joined the Army and gone off to bootcamp. Apparently she is doing fine except for being very homesick and lonely, so her aunt asked me to write her a letter. So you know what? I hammered out my first hand written letter in nearly twenty years yesterday. Made sure my student knew that I had all the faith in the world about her being successful in the whole Army thing. I also asked her to get a cool job blowing shit up, but she probably expects that from me.

So while the hate and crazy are on hold for a few more minutes, this is a great way to enjoy the end of the week. The sun is getting lower in the sky, the dirt urchins are distracted, and I am sipping my Tito's Handmade Vodka and feeling the warm glow of a good day.

So have a good Friday afternoon folks. Be careful out there and stay safe.

It Keeps on Coming

First off, it did not rain for almost the first nine months of this year here in Texas. It was a horrible hot and rainless summer that cooked everything that ventured out under the sun.

Now it will not stop.

I am serious.

Hopefully I will be back later.
I am off to Home Depot to get some nails and a bucket of tar.
This ark is getting done right.