Monday, July 06, 2009

Beware of Children's Television

As most of you know, I have a definite aversion to certain children’s shows on television. My own little evil dirt urchins have a highly limited number of minutes that they are allowed exposure to the square-headed babysitter every day, so I feel like it is my duty to search and expose all the shit that is out there.

Before I get to the list of pure evil crap, let me start with the good.  Actually, let me start  with the great.
Phineas and Ferb – How do I describe this? Probably the best show on television for kids and adults. It is animated and just too fun and intelligent to describe here. I think without Perry the Platypus this might just be an average show, but with him, it stands heads and shoulders above all the crap out there for kids. I watch this show with my kids. I like it that much.


 Now for the freakish and the bad. Shows that I would gladly suffer water boarding to avoid.


 Handy Manny – I think everyone already knows how I feel about this racist show. I have already stated the fact that I have no issue with a highly talented Hispanic Handy Man, but the fact that the only Anglos on the show are a)Moronic shop owner who is humiliated by Handy Manny in every episode and b)Slut who runs the hardware store and sells Manny fare more than “hardware” if you get my meaning. This show is wrong on so many levels.

Secret Agent Oso – This show is so new and mind numbing that Wikipedia does not even have a page to describe it yet. It is evil. A secret agent Panda who does everything in “three simple steps” makes me want to kill pandas. I mean it. Secret Agent Oso is more like “Secret Agent Makes Me Want to Slaughter Cute Pandas.”  Avoid at all costs. Trust me.


Sid the Science Kid – This is the only non-Disney show in the bunch. It is on PBS and created by Jim Hensen’s people. The only problem is that Sid creeps me out. Way out. Just a few seconds of seeing Sid and you will probably never sleep again at night.  I have nightmares of Sid coming to my house and luring my kids away like some evil animated Pied Piper.



And there you have it. The best kids' show on television and three evil pretenders. I am also very grateful that my children like Bugs Bunny, Tom and Jerry, and even Scoobie Doo. The classics cannot be beat. Do not say that I have not warned you.

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Questions that need asked

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Happy 4th Of July

If I could write shit like this, I would not have to blog. I would be rich and have more endorsement deals than Tiger Woods. My students have to read this every year and every now and then I think ALL Americans should take a break and read the reason why we celebrate July 4th. Read it. Enjoy it. Have a beer and blow something up.


IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America
When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

Here is the slavery clause that was removed from the final draft:

He [King George III] has waged cruel War against human Nature itself, violating its most Sacred Right of Life & Liberty in the Persons of a distant People who never offended him, captivating & carrying them into Slavery in another Hemisphere, or to incur miserable death in their Transportation thither. This piratical Warfare, the opprobrium of infidel Powers, is the Warfare of the Christian King of Great Britain. He has prostituted his Negative for Suppressing every legislative Attempt to prohibit or to restrain this execrable Commerce, determining to keep open a market where MEN should be bought & sold, and that this Assemblage of Horrors might want no Fact of distinguished Die, he is now exciting those very People to rise in Arms among us, and to purchase that Liberty of which he has deprived them, by murdering the people upon whom he also obtruded them; thus paying off former Crimes committed against the Liberties of one People, with Crimes which he urges them to commit against the lives of another.


Friday, July 03, 2009

Some things are just too good

I hate to gloat. Well, let me rephrase that. Sometimes you just have to gloat. Seems like Palin is quitting. She is giving up on the people of Alaska and running like a hunted animal. Kinda like a wolf being hunted from a helicopter if you ask me.

I doubt that we will ever know why, but no matter what she is at least out of politics for a moment or two.  There is part of me that hopes she crawls back into her conservative cabin and does web porn, but there is also a part of me that she has something more nefarious and evil planned.

No matter what is it one more conservative screw-head down and out of politics, even if it is only for a matter of days, weeks, or months. Lets hope that the good People of Alaska can breathe easier and hold their heads up high now that she is gone.

Believe me, I know the feeling. It  is like taking the giant Rolaid. I had it for five seconds after Shrub stopped being governor of Texas. Of course then he became president and I had to wait eight long years to get that loving feeling back.  There are a lot of folks in Alaska who know what I am talking about.

So long Sarah. Think about the web porn stuff. It might do wonders for your career.

But it is a humid, soul crushing kind of heat....

This is the little beast. At this point I am pretty sure it is at least 15 years old and maybe even pushing 20 if I know my stuff correctly.  Ever since the big riding beast died about a month ago, this little machine has become my first line for keeping the yard in shape.

It takes me about 45 minutes to push this beauty at a decent pace and cut my front yard and both sides of my yard.  It takes an additional 25 minutes to push till the backyard is cut to my satisfaction. I also have a hard time holding a beer and pushing, which is one reason why I prefer a riding mower.

 
Once I am done mowing it takes another 15 minutes to edge and use the trimmer to get things all nice and neat looking in the yard.  
The reason I bring all this up is because I have been doing all this in 95 F + for the last month and now I sneer at all the weaklings who need to go to the gym to get their work out in.  Try this you little gym rats. Push this stuff for over an hour straight in 100 F temps and see how well you do. I call this the Doom Cake Summer Work out. It will either burst your heart or burn your soul right out of your body.  
Oh yeah, did I mention it is mowing day? 
I gotta whip out the old home gym and get to work.  
Lets hope I survive this one.  
At least I am getting into great damn shape. 
Long live the yard!!!!!

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Sports Medicine: A Photo Essay

Yesterday I hiked between 8 and 11 miles carrying my backpack. Lets call it about 15 pounds of water, food, and other items. It is just something I do. I like it outside.  About an hour and half into what turned into a five hour hike, I pulled something in my hip. Nasty thing. Hurt like hell. Had to keep walking.

Today on the advice of my lizard brain, I am rehabing what ever I pulled in my right hip. This is a photo essay explaining today's rehab. Enjoy


 
  
  
 
Repeat as needed.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

She Loves Me

 
You know how I know my wife loves me? 

Yeah, she really knows how to butter me up. I can eat this stuff for days.
Of course we use ground turkey instead of beef, but BACON in my meatloaf. That is one step beyond her father's recipe that calls for strips of bacon on top of the meatloaf.

I knew there was a reason I married her.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Sometimes Crazy is More Than a Little Scary

 
Things you do not want to hear on a Saturday afternoon:

Oldest daughter to my wife: "After our nap, when you and daddy are talking in the den, we are going to crazy it up around here."

Oldest daughter to me a bit later: "I am loco and we are going to crazy it up later, after my nap"

There is a reason I lock my bedroom door and keep a knife handy at night. My oldest is starting to scare the hell out of me and she is not even four years old yet.